Cellular Robot

by Dmitry Gorchev

Translated from the Russian by Alex Demyanov and Adam Weiner

 

A Muscovite walking along the street with the cell phone issued to him at birth and destined to be laid posthumously in his coffin is sure to say into his phone: 'I am walking'.
If he sits down on a bench he will surely say: 'I just sat down on a bench'.
Then he will say: 'I am getting up and walking again'.
It is clear, of course, that no living or dead human being could stand to listen to such communications; consequently, on the other end of the line there sits The Ever-Curious Robot. For example, a communication like 'I am walking', gets this Robot terribly worked up and it shouts: 'No shit!!! Unbe-fuckin-lievable! And just where are you going? And where from? When are you gonna arrive? Huh? Huh? I'll be fucked!'

The peculiarity of this Robot is that it really wants to know. Because this is its one and only Purpose. If it suddenly loses interest they'll just turn it off and then - end of fuckin story.

The original text in Russian

See also A Fairy Tale Everybody Knows

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